Listen: for those of you who do not know, Matt and I are not going to have a baby. Not yet anyway. For those of you who do not know: I love babies. I love babies with an enthusiastic enthusiasm of a thousand burning pacifiers. My niece, Avery is a year old and I can’t hold her without crying sweet hot tears of joy. All of my friends and family are aware of this obsession I have with little people (babies not midgets, though they can be pretty cute too.)
For those of you who do not already know, I work as a nanny and have done so for the past four years, thus nourishing and polishing my fervent baby needs. For those of you who do not know Utah is like the capital of babies, the Mormons have been told to multiply and replenish the earth and I will tell you that church is made less boring by all the hiccuping and cooing of this diminutive congregation. I think babies kept me going to church long after Jesus didn’t. It is common here to have a baby nine months into a marriage. But all of this aside, here is the birth of a bona fide decision: Matt and I not going to have a baby, not yet anyway.
This is the Question I get asked most often: Do you find porcupines pretentious? And this is the question I am asked the second most often: Are you going to have a baby? I think again this has something to do with the Mormons in Utah. Since I made it to the 24th year my life without getting married, I was somewhat of a ring less blemish on the face of this beautiful culture. For those of you who do not know Utah is also the capital of, “listen: lets get married before we fornicate,” so like my ring less finger before, my idle ovaries have gone against the majority of my virtuous neighbors, and left my uterus high and dry (there’s a visual.)
Now, before you get afraid that the reason we’re not with child is that we are unsure of how to have a baby, oh let me assure you-- we know, we know-- and we’re not telling. This is a choice we have made. A shitty choice maybe, but this choice is going to stick around or so for the next four to eight years (kind of like that last shitty president we had) so you’ll be okay, and in the end we'll have a little Obama, I mean baby and it will be cute, even if it knows nothing about foreign policy.
6 comments:
I don't think that you should talk about the 'mormons' like you do. It offends me. My husband and I were married in the temple, we go to church every sunday, we've been married almost 2 years and we are still baby free. You are just making the 'mormon' stereotype worse. You are making your judgements off the 'mormons' you know, most likely your ignorant family, and not the descent ones, like my husband and myself. I read your last blog and it was really sweet and lovely; when I saw you have posted a new one, I was so excited to see what else you have up your sleeve but you produce this? Next, please.
Oh Katie, I don’t know who you are but it sounds like you could use a good laugh. Actually I have both kinds of Mormons in my family: the ignorant kind who can’t recognize sardonic wit when they see it and the kind who can read something like this and see it for what it is.
Hey, this is Melissa (Dewitt). I say take your time. Chad and I waited 3 years to have a baby and that was 3 years that we needed to ourselves. Then we were ready. Everyone goes from getting asked "When are you getting married?" (the stage where my unmarried brother is now and this too is against "the Mormon Code"- how could he be home from his mission for almost 2 years and not be married?) to "When are you going to have a baby?" Then it's "When are you going to have another baby?" The cycle really never ends.
I have enjoyed your blog and await your next post.
Hi Chelsea, it's Tammy Casaday-Morton. It's been awhile!!! I think the last time I saw you I was married to Steve and living in New Mexico. Things have changed quite a bit since then. I'm re-married now. I think you might know him or his sister. They went to Taylorsville. His name is Paul and his sister's name is Amy. I found your blog through a chain of other blogs while I was bored at work. This might be an odd question but did you paint the picture on your blog? I've always remembered you being a great artist.
As I read your blog I was wondering, have you thought about moving out of Utah? Utah has always been home to me but I've also loved living in other states. I've moved quite a bit with my ex-husband living in the military and we got asked by everybody, I mean everybody about having kids. Mormons, Catholics, Jews, family, friends, acquaintances. It's my personal opinion that people just ask that question because it's a way to start up conversation, or just out of curiosity. I don't think there is anyway around it. Try not to let it get to ya. Well I've already rambled on too long. I will keep reading your blog. I find it interesting.
I did paint the picture and I do know your husband p.j.
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